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“Cut off a wolf's head and it still has the power to bite” - Lady Eboshi “Princess Mononoke”


 

I extended my claws in a stretch. I pulled my hands back in close into my body. My eyes flashed a deadly orange as I smiled into the mirror. Perfect.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I dusted off my uniform with a nervous smile. Tentatively I took a few steps down the path. What would they think of me? My back was arched slightly. What would this place have to offer me? And what did Ichiou mean when he mentioned this place? It was an old looking building, the stones were grey; chipped. There was a sweeping lawn to the left of where I was walking. Is this where the students mingled?

 

The cold emptiness stretched above, whilst bats and daemons flew together amass the steely, hard turrets. No one ever came out of here alive...

 

I shook my head and grunted. These images would not let me alone of late. What did they mean? What did my future hold? Coldness and darkness? Death and destruction? If what I saw was real, I could think maybe so.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I sniffed the air and frowned. Looking down the path I saw a newcomer. She smelt different. What was this? Who was this, thing?

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

The mass of bodies and grinding teeth gnashed across my vision. Fur and blood spattered across the marble dance floor. Red blood, grey fur, and amber eyes. Piercing amber eyes. Ringed with dark black. Hollow. Empty. Flash.

 

This was starting to scare me now, but I was almost there. People had seen me and they were muttering, curious; dubious. There was a gaggle of teens outside a large room, maybe a hall? If it had marble floors I would walk out. Tell mum it had happened again. We could move. But she'd just unpacked again, and seemed to think we'd be here for a while. Maybe I would just have to stick it out. After all, what's the worst that could happen?

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

This girl, these smells, it's...new? What's happening to me? This girl, is fairly unremarkable. Brunette hair, green eyes. Full, thick lips. She was wearing a green, checkered, button down shirt and a black skirt that showed off long, sexy legs, but she wasn't sensationally beautiful, nor was she a loups-garoux. So what was this feeling?

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

It was much later in the day that I saw him. This school was very old, but the insides were modern. Cold white walls. The whole place seemed very cold. Maybe it was just this winter frost that covered everything. But it was later, much later, when I saw the man who would change my destiny forever. Most life changing happenings in books happen in a picturesque setting, and their eyes meet and they know. Well I didn't. This is our story.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I had felt nauseous all day. The cold. The flashes of images. I didn't understand what I was supposed to do here. And I kept seeing the eyes. Piercing amber eyes. The first time I saw him I was sat in English. It was after lunch. I had made a couple of "friends" that I sat with, but I still felt ostracized and alone. In classes we could choose where we sat, and the people that I sat with seemed to be nice enough. But we'd probably be gone again soon, so it didn't really matter that these "friendships" weren't firm. English had its own separate block, and they hadn't refurbished this building from the old castle. This was because it was more "poetic" this way, and we would "find it easier to understand how the characters in our studies lived". The stones were uneven and kind of rough. Like if you ran your hand over it, it would cut you. It was the coldest part of the school; as they had skimped on refurbishment, they also skimped on heating. Looking around though, you might not be able to tell that it was cold. Some students weren't wearing coats and some were even wearing short sleeved shirts! We had just settled and class had only just started when he came in. I can even remember my first thought of him. Ugh.

 

He came sauntering in, and the classroom entrance was at the back, so he had to go through all the students in order to get to the teacher. I forget why he was there. Some task for some teacher. But what I do remember is him parading through the desks as if he owned the place, high fiving certain students. Ugh, I thought. Jock. He didn't look like the jock type though. Neither did any of the guys that he was high-fiving. They looked strong, granted, but not really jockish. He had good strong shoulders and soft brown hair. He was really tall and wearing a simple red shirt, and looked sort of country. Not really jockish, right? So what was this high-fiving business? When he walked past me though, he stopped. Turned. Looked straight at me. Then moved on. His eyes matched his hair, but darker, pulling, holding, sinking. He carried on with his high-fiving ritual down the rows.

 

Dark brown paws, claws, gently scratching, stroking almost, a friendly greeting of brown furs?

 

I shook my head to clear the image. Somehow he had already left; class was starting again. I noticed that some of the girls in the class were fidgeting and giggling. Two guesses what they were all hot under the collar about. Some were wearing coats, and some weren't. And that was the fated meeting. Things just started to snowball from there.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I had to go into her class for an errand. She smelt so weird! Enchanting. I can't believe I just thought that in connection to her smell. What is wrong with me? I asked my brothers and sisters what they thought of her on the way to the teacher. "Intriguing," they said, "and different". I don't think she effects them as much. It makes me want to run. Run hard.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I had always been interested in art. I always got very good grades on abstract projects. Probably because I always drew what I saw in my mind. This school's art block was divine. They had a vast array of materials and subject matters. My pleasure in this class had nothing to do with the boy from earlier being in it. He was staring. Not smiling or frowning, no expression. Just staring at me. I was studiously ignoring him, of course. I'm not a moron. I'm used to a certain amount of attention from men. The minute you show interest is your downfall. And when you have to show interest otherwise you lose them, you have to keep aloof and mysterious. I know the whys of men. Even glancing his way would be disastrous. He was used to being fawned over. Time to bring him down a peg.

 

A brown tatty muzzle raised to a dark night and an illustrious moon. A magical night with a spattering of stars. Dreams can come true when you free the beast inside you...the brown furred one was happy when it was one with the night...

 

Well that was a new sensation! I could feel how this creature was feeling! How odd! Well then...What to do now? If these flashes got more frequent then I would have to do something. This was getting kinda scary...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Why won't she look at me? She smells so good! So interesting! Makes my paws run wild! Girls always look at me! I own this town! I heard a crunching, grinding sound. Whoops. My nails bit through the desk. Hmm. Why does she smell different? And why is this new smell making me so crazy? I gotta get outta here...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

He stood up and stormed out. What a baby. Just 'cos I won't look at you, boy? I looked over at his desk after he had gone.  There were deep rivets in the solid wood. Hmm, was that him? Did he get a knife to the desk or something? At least I can get out of here after this lesson. I was really tired. It's this coldness.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Finally the teacher dismissed us and I was home free. I decided to walk home instead of taking the bus. I don't know why now, later, but at the time I knew I just had to. I started to walk home slowly. Although I was gradually freezing to death, I was enjoying the tranquil scenery of the new town. It was a very old town, with no buildings younger than fifty years old. It was pretty, and quaint, and when summer would come the place would look simply lovely. I knew exactly what mum was thinking when she moved me here; what trouble could I possibly get into here? Little did either of us know that I had already found trouble, although maybe, in hindsight, trouble found me.

 

He came sauntering up behind me while I was walking. All confidence and killer smiles. I would be hostile, I decided, with the tiniest bit of flirting mixed in.

 

"Soooooooo, where you headed?" he asked, rather sexily.

 

It was the first time I'd heard him speak and it was different to how I'd imagined it somehow. I don't really know what I had expected, but it was deep and sexy. Alluring and slightly...gravelly, although he was being perfectly nice. Instead of turning to jelly at his voice, which is obviously what he expected, I stared resolutely in front of myself and simply sniffed, "Home," rather primly I might add.

 

It was perfect. He was obviously taken aback. I didn't allow myself the smirk I felt bubbling up inside of me. We walked in silence for a fair while. "Are you following me?" I snapped finally.

 

"No!" he shot back, trying to copy my aloof attitude. "I'm just going home, like you."

 

"Oh, your home is this way is it?" I snarled, it was a bit extreme, and cruel, but necessary.

 

"Yes," he said simply. Then he started to speed up.

 

No, this would not do. I sped up with him. Not the best move, but if I played it right it could still pan out properly. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not done with you yet."

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

This girl, she's trouble. She's work. Wow. We're talking reasonably now though. It's only been a half hour and I think we're connecting. She really does smell enchanting. Gods. I'm almost home now though, I wonder where she lives...It can't be that far from me, not many people live out here anymore, not since...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Maybe he isn't as big headed as I'd thought. He's quite funny. I must keep mysterious, though. If I want anything out of this, then I can't talk about myself much, he can't know why me and my family moved here. He just can't. Well I'm almost home now, where could his house be? All the houses round here are deserted...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Uh-oh. I forgot it was for sale...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Uh-oh. I can't believe this...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Neighbors. We're neighbors. Oh God, I can't keep aloof all the time..! How can I get him to date me when he lives next door! Oh this is terrible...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Neighbors. Haha. This will be fun. You should have seen her squirm when she found out. Heh, she'll have no choice but to pay attention to me now, hmm I wonder when she leaves for school...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

In the next week we were walking to and from school together practically every day, but when any of the other kids who never wore jackets came by he stopped talking to me. He would never tell me why. He was funny though. And most definitely attractive. He liked me, I could tell. He would have to ask me out soon. Strangely, though, I didn't have many other boys competing for me. I normally had a few. Some of the guys with jackets paid me enough attention, but the jacket-less wonders didn't really see me. I couldn't work out why.

 

Well, I was soon to find out, wasn't I?

 

He asked me out a few weeks after I came to the school. I acted like nothing could bore me more, but said yes. I was secretly thrilling. I didn't just want him for fun anymore, I was really starting to like him. He started holding my hand walking to and from school, and after a couple of days, kissing me goodbye at the end of the road. Times came in the day when I couldn't wait for the walk. My friends noticed a change, but I didn't tell them what it was. One, they would never believe me, and two, he hadn't told any of his friends, so why should I? It took a while for things to really go down, but when they did, it was hell on earth.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I don't know why he did it when he did, but after a while he moved next to me in art class. And math. They were the only classes we had together, and when he did the murmurs went up. High. The girls all looked equally happy for me and jealous at the same time, but some of his friends looked murderous. They were all glaring at him and I even saw one of them shaking his head at him.

 

Snarling, snapping teeth, vicious growls and moans. Low pitched rumbling and ferocious amber eyes. the brown creature snarled back, angry and wrathful, but he was scared too. Scared for his life.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I'm in love with him. We'd been going out for two months and I was finally ready to admit that I was in love with him. He tells me he loves me all the time, but I just smile and nod. I was ready to tell him those fatal words: "I love you too". The glares had not decreased any, indeed they seemed to have gotten more intense. But I didn't really notice what had been going on right under my nose. I didn't notice until he told me. Until my belief in reality and existence itself was shaken to the very core. Until he showed me, showed me who he really was.

 

It was a dark night. We had gone down to the park after school. We didn't do this very often, although I was free a lot of the time, but he wouldn't tell me why.

 

"Come with me tonight", he told me. "I have to show you something. If you want to be with me I have to show you this, and alert you to the danger that you are in."

 

I thought he was joking. I honestly did. Why wouldn't he be?

 

That night, was the scariest of my life. Well it had been until now, but I'll tell you where I am later. We sat on the park, drinking ginger ale and watching the sun go down. We said we loved each other and cuddled on the blanket he had brought out with him. The park was not two hundred yards from where we both lived, so we were allowed to stay out quite late. When it got dark, and the streetlamps over the other side of the park had started to turn on, he started to shake. It was scary, really scary, and I didn't know what was going on, but when I asked him he said roughly "there was something I had to show you, remember?" I told him that I was scared and he replied "don't be, it's natural". This really made me panic. I was starting to think he was going to die. Over this side of the park, there wasn't much light at all. There was really only starlight and the thin crescent moon above to see by, but when I saw what I saw, I knew I couldn't blame the poor light.

 

His eyes fixed on my face, looking pitiful, and scared. Scared, I now know, of being judged. But as he was shaking, he seemed to be getting darker, as if he was going into shadows, and...was his hair longer than it had been this morning? Then his eyes, his eyes flashed. A horrible scary amber that I'd seen before. That I'd been seeing all too frequently in my life. That was the moment I started screaming.

 

His body, shaking. He wasn't suddenly going into shadow. Although I wish he had been. He was sprouting fur. Brown like his hair. His clothes fell off him as he hunched over, and went onto all fours. Claws sprouted from his new paws, a tail materialized. Werewolf. And my life turned upside down.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I stretched my claws out, shrugging off the confining human form. Let my hair grow out instead of having it cramped in the confining, hairless skin of the pale ones. My tail sprouted out, free from the oppression of my lesser form. I was wild again. How I liked it. She was screaming. I thought she said she loved me? If she loved me shouldn't she love all that I am? I love her. The goddess. Why is she screaming? I'm not a monster...

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

He started to whimper. It was like he was crying. I stopped screaming. Was this really the boy I had began to love? Love with a fire burning inside, pining, yearning to be with him whenever we were apart?

 

It couldn't be.

 

Yet, he was whimpering a fair amount. Who was he? Was he my love? and if he was, how was I supposed to carry on loving him, knowing that he's not...human?

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

My visions were all true. There are monsters in this town and there's nothing I can do about it, because I am in love with one. Yes, I am still in love with him. I can't break up with him, because even now I miss him so. He took me home after he changed back. He didn't really want to, he says he feels free that way, in a way that he can never be when he is like me. He said that. Like me. He said its more relaxing that way, but he had to change back. He had to talk to me, and couldn't whilst he was like that. His family don't like him dating "one of them" and apparently I'm in "real danger of my life".

 

Apparently his family runs this town. They are the oldest family in all of the world. They own the whole werewolf population, and he is going to inherit that someday. Hmm, I'm dating a prince. Most girls would be excited by this prospect, but now I really am scared. If this whole town is populated with them, and he says that they are, and they all hate me for dating their precious prince, when he must marry a werewolf to keep the bloodline going, then what are they going to do to me?

 

Kill me apparently. I don't want to go back to school tomorrow. Hell I don't want to go out of the house! Wolves are deadly and efficient killers. They are made that way. And they do turn to proper wolves, not the shape deformed, mutant malfunctions of nature that legends tell us. Calculating, real, organised packs. The most powerful of all the world live next door to me. I was petrified for my life.

 

Of course I had to go to school. I had to show him that I still loved him, and mum would know that I wasn't ill. I'm not a very good liar. But that day, at school, it seemed that they knew I knew. And they were much more vicious than usual. I asked him that lunchtime, and he said that whenever they touch, a high five, or a hug, or anything, then they are able to communicate thoughts and ideas, which came in very useful when they were hunting, unable to use vocal noises, and since body language could be a bit hard to interpret. So they did know that I knew.

 

The rest of that week the "pack" got very restless. I knew who they were now, the ones without jackets in this freezing weather. I knew there was something different about them! They snarled at me when I went past, and snapped at me when no non wolves were around. I didn't understand how so many humans could live here with them and not know anything was wrong. But that Saturday night, this Saturday night, is when the shit REALLY hit the fan.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

It is the school's annual dance. The loups-garoux don't normally end up going, and my darling thought that he would be the only loups-garoux there, but he was sadly, terribly, deadly wrong.

 

They knew. They always know. They knew he would take me there, and they had to look out for him. They had to make sure he didn't fall in love. They were too late already. I think they knew that, deep in the back of their minds, I think they knew really. They had to, if they touched him then they would know that his thoughts were always on me, or so he claims anyway. He often makes sweet statements like that. I don't doubt him, but you never can know for sure if someone is telling the truth, can you?

 

I know that is how I feel. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't get him out of my head. Whenever I am near him, my whole body tingles, when I think of him, I can't help but smile. I smile throughout the day, I smile through my worries, because I love him so. Adults claim that you can't know love until you have more experience of the world, but I know what I feel. I know why I miss him so much. I know why fireworks go off behind my eyes when we kiss, when we touch. I know that I am in love. It is the first time I have been in love, so I am wary, but our love will endure throughout the ages. He feels the same, I know he does. He has told me so. There is nothing to disbelieve either. He whispers his feelings with such conviction, his words a soft song on the wind, dancing around me, engulfing me, breathing life into my battered soul. My love. My life.

 

My protector.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I couldn't help but think about her the night before the dance. It is my fault that they are here, to keep an eye on her. They intend to kill her, I know they do. I can read it in their minds, see it in their deadly eyes. I'm scared for her, I need to protect her. They wouldn't be so stupid though, as to start a public fight, would they? Surely not. She looks divine this night, as every night, but tonight especially, a floating baby blue cocktail dress, long, elegant. Her beautiful hair is pinned up tonight, exposing her long neck, and graceful shoulders. I extend my suit-clad arm to her, and we simultaneously draw a long breath. I push open the door to the dance hall. What would happen tonight?

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Marble. The floors are marble. Just like I knew they would be all along. I keep catching glimpses, out of the corners of my eyes, of the same bloodstained floor of my visions. So this is what Ichiou meant. About my final destiny. When he told me, that, sad though it may be, the brightest, most beautiful, and talented stars always shine for the shortest time. Ichiou was my mentor. My friend. He helped me understand the visions that plagued me, helped my poor mother understand that it was normal, that there are many who see like I do. He himself is the oldest of our kind. He can see these things too. He always warned me that our lives tend to be shorter than human lives. That we fade quickly. The world cannot cope with too many people knowing the future, knowing how everything would turn out. But I never thought it would be this early. It makes sense, all the warnings piece together in a perfect crystal. At least I have known love. He cannot know that my fate looms for me tonight. I want to let him remember me how he wants to. My love.

 

We dance and sparkle and glimmer across the floor. I can't help but smile. We are happy together. The worries and memories are pushed to the back of our minds as we glitter. The world wants to be us, have this perfect harmony and peace. Everyone in the room wants to be us tonight. If they knew what we had both pushed to the back of our minds tonight, then they would never want to swap places with anyone ever again, but on the surface. On the surface, we are divinely happy. We are twisting through tables, other couples, sparkling through the lights. Fitting, that their last memories of us will be that we were so happy tonight. That we owned the whole world.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

She looks like his princess, she could be his queen. She is nice, and kind, and she could rule us well. If she had been born loups-garoux then there would be no trouble with her. She is pretty enough. She could take my wife's place as queen very well. But she is not one of us. Loups-garoux mate for life. Like real wolves. Like the animals we are inside, our true selves. So I can't keep her here any longer. He will forgive me eventually. If it's not too late that is. But, I can't have my oldest boy, the best for the job, the one the stars picked at birth to be our next leader, fall in love with some girl. Some, well, whatever he said she is. Visionary, or something like that. The chill is getting to my old bones. After so long of running free, shoulder deep in thick snow. My time is coming fast now. There must be no gap in leadership. We are the oldest loups-garoux family in the world. There is nothing they can do to stop us now. Everything is already in motion.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Midnight. The time everything draws to a close. Even though we are almost adults already, the school always insists that the dances be winding down, if not over already, by midnight. Now is when I am scared for her life.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Midnight is quite late actually. In some of my previous schools the dance has ended at ten. The end, of a blissful day. Something was going to happen at the end of this, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. I sneak a glance at my date. He is broad, tall. Brunette hair and deep brown eyes. I love this boy, or man now really. I feel slightly drowsy. I sway on my feet, almost fall. He catches me. Looks worried. I giggle at him. "You look sooo silly," I can't help it, I really can't. He does. I feel so lightheaded and happy. I have had such a good time, and life is just so perfect. I just wanna sleep now. Yeah, let me sleep darling. I love you.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

"No...."

 

"NO!" The anguished cries rip from me, her eyes closed firmly. Nothing will wake her now for a good few hours. And I can feel the same drowsiness creeping over me, enveloping me. I have to stay awake, I just have to. They will kill her if I don't. Drugged. We were drugged. Cowardly. I should have known. I should not have expected any better from my father, my father who would do anything to see this clan live, to see the loups-garoux survive for another five hundred years in this old dirty town.

 

Our ancestors used to move around. They were nomads. We are pathetic. We have no real sense of urgency when we run, when we hunt, and we don't really need the food we hunt for. My father, he built this clan from the desolate mess his brother left it in, and he has been training me all my life to take his place. There is no way he would let me be. There was never a possibility that they would let me fall in love with anyone other that the one they picked for me, to keep the bloodline pure. My eyes. The drowsiness is pulling them down. My determination is not enough for me to keep them open. I can't fight anymore.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I watch as his head slowly falls to his chest. His breathing becomes slower, steadier, with the beautiful girl slumbering away in his arms. There is nothing left to do now, except what we came here tonight to do. I slip from my strategic perch high in the old rafters. Old wolves don't really like heights, especially not me, but it was necessary to keep an eye on that boy and keep him under control. I had to watch, make sure that my clan did not slip the drugs into a human's drink. It had to be theirs. The drug won't last much longer. I have about two hours to get them down to the sacrament.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Moaning slightly, I open my eyes hazily. It was too dark to see anything. My head was pounding. I felt like I had been ran over by a herd of elephants. I tried to stretch out but something was stopping me. A tight, grinding feeling along my wrists, pinning my arms back and restricting my breathing. My eyes had adjusted a bit more now, it wasn't as dark as I had previously thought. I looked down. There was a thick, brown, heavy rope secured tightly around my waist. The only place I could move was my head. I couldn't twist that way, but I assumed that my hands were secured around my back with much the same rope. God knows I couldn't move my arms. I seemed to be secured to a post of some kind. My ankles were bound tight. I truly couldn't move. I was outside somewhere, it was cold. The wind rustled around the dense copse of trees. I was alone.

 

A strange sound. I lifted my head wearily from where I had let it drop. I must have been out here for hours. I was still tightly bound to the same post, and I still couldn't move. The sound, was maybe, footsteps? I couldn't be sure. Whatever it was seemed to be gone now.

 

My breath came quicker. Misting in front of my face. I was inexplicably scared. I could hear no noises but I  knew someone was there. I could hear nothing, see no one, but it did smell a little of wet dog. My mind struggled to remember something buried deep in the back of it. There was something scary about smelling wet dog. Something dangerous. Something to do with hollow amber eyes carving through my brain.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I lifted my head drowsily. I couldn't think through a thick mist that had clouded my brain. I was lying on a cold stone floor. My fur kept me warm though. I lifted my muzzle and took a long sniff. I was in my basement. Which was right near our ritual ground. What was I doing down here? I stretched out and slipped into my human form. I climbed the stone steps and tried to turn the handle of the thick wooded door. It wouldn't budge. Why was I down here, locked up? Fragments of memories danced across my vision, taunting me, singing, laughing at me. The dance. I was at the dance. Why was I at the dance? The loups-garoux pack never go to the dance. I was dancing. With a girl. I...loved her. She isn't loups-garoux! They are going to execute her! I rip from my skin, howling like a devil's minion. I run at the door. Thump. Again. I have to get out! I have to get to her before it's too late!

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Wolves. And not just any wolves. Wolves that can be human as they please. They are all sat around me now. Licking their lips. Most of them are grey. One, Fraulir's father if I remember correctly, is black. Jet black. He is their leader, their "king". He is advancing towards me. Icy fear grips my heart. I scream. They intend to kill me. I think about my mother, my family, my friends. Will they even know I'm gone? Will anyone rescue me? What happened to Fraulir? But I know. I know that I am on my own. No one will save me. This isn't a film. There won't be some white knight to save me. My screams rip through my throat. Bruising my vocal chords. I scream and scream and scream into the black night. No one will hear me. We are too far away from any houses, all I can see is trees. Help me! Help! They're going to kill me!

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I hear faint screams. Lucy! I renew my attempts to bust the door down. I can hear the wood cracking, deep inside. Not fast enough! My head aches and there is nothing I can do. Lucy! I'm trying!

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

The black wolf grins at me. I see him tense. God save me! The others gather around behind him. They tense, ready to pounce. Help! HELP!

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Her faint cries rip through me. I ram the door again. Stars explode behind my eyes. The door's hinges start to go. But I know already that it is too late. I feel their teeth pierce her arms, legs. I know her pain. I can feel it. I can feel them...slowly...ripping her apart! I howl louder than I ever have before in my life. Crying and howling, I carry on pounding the door. On and on. Over and over. Until, finally, those stars behind my eyes engulf me, and I am taken down by black.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

As their teeth pierce me, I scream for Fraulir. My love. My heart thuds into my chest, my howls of pain match the distant howls I can hear from somewhere far off to the right. My blood runs down my arms, flowing into their mouths. They enjoy my pain. The pain is too much. I didn't know it would be this painful.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

When I woke up, I knew it was no good. There was a hole in my chest where my love for her once dwelt. My pain was unbearable. I knew that I would never see her again. I didn't know what time it was, but it was lighter outside. The door handle turned. Someone was coming. I could hear them, smell them. My father. I struggled to my paws. I was swaying. I could hardly stand, let alone walk, yet, when I saw him, I was full of so much rage and hatred that I didn't feel dizzy anymore. I launched myself at him. Snapping, snarling, growling, biting. I connect with his jacket. He rips from his human form and growls right back at me. I am ripping, shredding. He is bleeding a lot, and I am making a lot of noise. My mother comes in, to see what all the noise is about. Surely they knew that I would react like this. They have killed my love! My Lucy! As I think of her, I stop and howl long and hard. If wolves could cry, really cry, then I would be crying too. I was shaking. Rage. Sorrow. Consumed.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

I float out of the house. They try to stop me, but I won't stop. I won't listen to them anymore. My love is gone. She is gone. Forever. I stalk to the wood. I can't go back now. I will never be able to go back. l cannot respect these people anymore. I push doors and gates aside with my head, and as soon as I am out of the property I used to call home, I start to run. Run like I had wanted to ever since I had first seen her face, first smelt her intoxicating perfume. I ran and ran. And I never looked back.

 

When I got to the wood I looked around. This place, I had become so familiar with. I had been thinking, as I left the house, that I would stay here. But I realised now that I could not do that. I couldn't stay here, they would find me. Try to get me to go back. And maybe, eventually, I would. I couldn't bear that. Maybe one day I will go back. After my father has departed. I can't live under his rule. Under the rule of a murderer. I start to trot away from the village. I run through the forest. I don't know where I am headed. But it has to be far. Far far away from here.

 

Weeks, months? Later. I've found a little wood. There are wolves here. The smell is familiar, and comforting, but I can't join them. I tried a little while after I got here, but they knew there was something different about me. They could sense it. I can't remember much about being human. I can't remember how to change back now. But that is okay. I don't mind. I was always more comfortable like this.

 

 

*        *        *

 

 

Looking up into the night sky, I sit and remember her. Lucy. She was so vibrant. She was so full of love. I never understood why she fell in love with one such as me. I am not a very good man. I was not very good to her. If I had been truly nice or good, I would have saved her. I never would have asked her to be mine. It is all my fault. I just couldn't help it. I didn't care at the time. I couldn't help myself. She was always so beautiful. Her smile. Her laugh. Her happiness. That's what I miss the most. She was always so vibrant. Loving. Joyful. I will never forget her. That is one thing that I will never forget. I will never forget her. She will stay in my memory for the rest of my cursed life. Cursed with the everlasting pine for her, that I once had, and can never have again.

 

Lucy. Yeah. She is all I need from my old life. I run through the forest. Truly wolf. Hysterical madness bubbles through me. Erasing everything except wolfen instincts and her. Lucy. She will keep me company. These other wolves won't. I'm too different from them. I know I can never go back to the village now. My wolf will run free forever. And now. Now it is all that is me. And all that will be me.

 


 

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