We sit upon the brink of world-wide war, torn between two super-powers and their lust for control of the earth. People question how we found ourselves in this position. How could we allow this to happen? How is it that, in the year 2019, we could be so foolish as to find ourselves in the midst of a terrifying arms race? Well, I shall now tell you. I shall tell of how we have brought ourselves to the point where self-extinction is always mere moments away.


It was 9 years ago, at the beginning of 2010 that it started. The first tendrils of an escalating crisis. Communications between the USA and China had begun breaking down and increased tension swept over the world. The fear of this conflict escalating was such that the leaders of the western world gathered in London, hoping to form plans for the worst possible scenario - nuclear war.


Initially the meeting proceeded well, but then the unthinkable happened. The long-standing alliance between the UK and the USA broke down. The breakdown of this long partnership took several hours of shouting, but to cut a long story short it started with a misunderstanding when the British Foreign Minister asked the President if he wanted to join him for a "quick puff on a relaxing fag". This unfortunate choice of words quickly led to what can only be described as a flaming row and soon the entire meeting had descended into fisticuffs.


Of course, after this the situation with China quickly escalated and within the week war had been declared. The entire population of the world cowered in fear of a nuclear apocalypse. However, the expected glow of a swift nuclear extinction never happened. It turned out that the whole thing about nuclear weapons was a bit of a hoax and that most of the world powers had been bluffing the entire time. In fact, the only nation which had possessed any nuclear weapons was North Korea, and they had blown all of theirs up in tests.


Needless to say confusion followed. World War 3 hadn’t quite kicked off with the expected bang. Now was the perfect opportunity for new powers to arise. Even so, nobody quite expected it when Norway demanded that Britain surrender. Apparently the Prime Minister of Norway had always been keen on history and the country as a whole had been feeling a bit nostalgic. The demand to surrender carried with it the threat that if Britain did not surrender then within 45 minutes there would be a horde of Vikings in Parliament raping, pillaging and generally re-living old times. Britain immediately caved in and when the same threat was directed at other countries, it proved equally effective. Soon the whole of Europe was under Norwegian control.


However, Norway was not the only country to rise at this time. Canada declared that they themselves had a large stockpile of battleaxes and horned helmets in Newfoundland and that if Norway expanded any further war would be declared.


Things then began to slowly calm down into a tense stalemate which is how we find ourselves in this position today. Norway and Canada control the world, extending their influence as they continue to compete for power, all backed up by huge stockpiles of assorted Viking paraphernalia. And so every day we sit in fear and wait for tomorrow, when the world could end with the clash of axes and a faint smell of oily fish.



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